Created at : 2019-01-13 16:24:13
Author Name: Fasiuddin Khan
Suggestions on Choosing a Marriage Partners:
In light of the expertise of the past years, it is time to take stock and try to halt the ever-mounting tide of divorces among Muslims. It is not uncommon these days to discover Muslim girls (and even an occasional Muslim man) who, by the time they're 30 or 35, were married three or four instances, their youngsters struggling time and again via the trauma of fatherless and broken homes. Hence, we may be listing a few essential points to be considered with the aid of each brother and sisters in the system of selecting an accomplice in life (although the masculine pronoun has been used all through for the sake of simplicity, the subsequent is generally similarly relevant to both ladies and men).
Unceasingly ask assist and steerage from Allah, most high, inside the rely on locating and choosing a mate. as frequently as you experience it necessary, pray salaah al-istikhara, Islam's unique prayer for steerage, which will reach a suitable choice.
2. Consult your Heart:
Pay attention to what your inner voice, the 'radar' which Allah (SWT) has given you to guide you, tells you about the possible companion. It is probably to be extra accurate than your thoughts, which regularly plays hints and might rationalize nearly anything. For plenty people, first impressions are often the maximum accuracy.
Discover the purpose why this guy wants to marry you. Is he interested in you as a man or woman or will just any man or woman do? Why is he no longer doing the logical thing, that is, to marry a person from his way of life? If there is proof that the primary purpose for this marriage, no matter claims to the opposite, is for convenience (green card, cash, belongings, etc.), forget it. This spells hassle.
4. Get to recognize your potential partner:
In the limits of what's permissible in Islam, before choosing marriage. Just 'seeing' someone once or twice within the employer of others, who can be demanding for this marriage to take the region, is certainly no longer sufficient beneath today's conditions, wherein two persons of totally dis-similar backgrounds are assembly each other without the safeguards of families. Without violating Islam's prohibition approximately being by myself, try and understand his nature, what makes him tick, his temperament, what he is probably want to live with.
5. Communicate to several individuals who know your prospective partner: Now not just one, or have someone whom you can accept as true with doing this for you. Ask about him from different people, now not simply from his friends due to the fact they will hide records to do him a favor. And ask now not handiest about his historical past, profession, Islamicity and many others. But about such vital subjects as whether he gets indignant without problems; what he does while he's 'mad'; whether or not he is patient, polite, thoughtful; how he gets in conjunction with humans; how he relates to the other intercourse; what sort of dating he has along with his dad and mom; whether he is fond of children; what his non-public behavior are, etc. and find out approximately his plans for the future from folks who recognise him. Do they coincide with what he has informed you? Pass into as tons of detail as feasible. take a look at his plans for the destiny - wherein you will stay and what your lifestyle will be, his attitudes toward cash and possessions and the like. in case you cannot get answers to such crucial questions from those who recognize him, ask him your self and attempt to make certain he isn't always simply saying what he knows you need to pay attention. too many human beings will make all kinds of guarantees earlier than marriages with a purpose to at ease the accomplice they want however afterward overlook that they ever made them, (this clearly applies equally to girls as to men).
6. Discover about his family, his family members with his parents, brothers and sisters: What is going to his obligations be to them inside the future? how will this have an effect on where and below what situations you'll stay? what are the man or woman and temperament of each of his parents? will they live with you otherwise you with them? and are they thrilled along with his potential marriage to you or not? despite the fact that it can now not be the case in maximum western marriages, among Muslims, such problems are regularly vital to the fulfillment or failure of a marriage, and answers to these questions want to be satisfactory to ensure a non-violent married existence.
7. Understand each different's expectancies:
Try to get a sense of your potential companion's below- status of the wedding relationship, how he's going to behave in numerous situations, and what he wants of you as his partner. these are issues which should be mentioned genuinely and unambiguously as the negotiations progress, now not left to come to be assets of disharmony after the wedding due to the fact they have been by no means brought up ahead. in case you are too shy to ask positive questions, have a person you agree with do it for you. at a sophisticated level of the negotiations, one of these dialogue should encompass such subjects as birth manipulate, while kids are to be expected, how they're to be raised, how he feels about assisting with house responsibilities and with the kid's upbringing, whether or not or no longer you can go to high school or work, members of the family along with his own family and yours, and other important problems.
8. See him interacting with others in various conditions:
The greater various situations underneath that you are able to study your prospective accomplice, the greater clues you'll have as to his mode of managing human beings and circumstances.
9. Discover what his information of Islam is and whether or not it's far like-minded together with your very own. that is a totally vital count. is he looking ahead to you to do much stuff which you haven't achieved up thus far? if he emphasizes " haraam", in particular, if you are a new Muslimah, and appears unable to tolerate your perspective, possibilities are your marriage might be in hassle until you are bendy enough to deal with yourself to his point of view and in all likelihood a completely restrictive way of life. let him spell out to you sure how he intends to education Islam and how he desires you to practice it as his wife so there will be no misunderstandings later.
10. Do not be in a hurry:
So many marriages have damaged because the companions are in such haste that they don't take time to make such essential checks as the ones mentioned above and rush into matters. shocking as it could appear, marriages between Muslims which are gotten smaller after which broken within per week or a month or a year have emerged as not unusual region occurrences among us. do not upload your self to the listing of marriage casualties due to the fact you couldn't take the time or have been too desperate for marriage to discover about or get to know the character with whom you propose to spend the rest of your existence.
11. Ask your self, do I need this man/woman to be the daddy/mother of my children? if it doesn't experience just right to you, suppose it all over again. consider, marriage isn't always just for these days or the following day but for life, and for the number one purpose of building an own family. if the person in a query doesn't look like the sort who might make a great figure, you're likely to find your self struggling to raise your kids without any assistance from him or her - or maybe with poor input - in the future.
12. By no means allow your self to be forced or talked into a marriage. Your heart must feel good approximately it, not someone else's. once more, allegations of "Islamicity" - he's pious, has a beard, frequents the masjid, is aware of about Islam; she wears hijab, does now not communicate to guys- aren't always ensures of an excellent accomplice for you or of a terrific marriage, however are simplest part of a complete photograph. If a man or woman practices the Sunnah only on the subject of worship or externals, possibilities are he /she has no longer truly understood and is not absolutely living Islam. possessing the love and rahmah (mercy) which Islam enjoins between marriage partners is critical for a hit dating, and these are the important tendencies to be searched for in a prospective accomplice.
13. By no means consent to conducting a marriage for a hard and fast length or in trade for an amount of cash. (mut'a wedding). Such marriages are expressly forbidden in Islam and entering into them is a sinful act, as marriage need to be entered into with a clear purpose of it being permanent, for life, now not for a restrained and stuck period.
If those recommendations are followed, Insha' Allah the possibilities of creating a mistake which may mar the remainder of your life can be minimized.
Deciding on a marriage associate is a most serious matter, perhaps the maximum severe choice you may ever make to your life because your associate can motive you either to be successful or to fail miserably, inside the tests of this lifestyles and, consequently, within the right hereafter. this choice wishes to be made with utmost care and warning, repeatedly looking for steering out of your lord.
If the entirety exams out beneficial, properly and excellent, pleasant wishes for happiness collectively right here and inside the hereafter. if no longer, higher drop the problem and wait. allah your lord is aware of all approximately you, his servant, and has planned your destiny and your companion for you. ensure that he's going to convey you together whilst the time is right. as the Qur'an enjoins, you must be patient till he opens a manner for you, and in your element, you have to actively explore various marriage leads and opportunities.
Two words addressed to brothers arc in order right here. If you are marrying or have married a recent convert to Islam, you must be very affected person and support together with her. recall, Islam is new to her, and chances are that she will be able to not be capable of taking on the complete of the shari'ah straight away - nor does Islam require this, if you look at the history of early Islam. for your spouse 's efforts to comply herself to her new religion and subculture, she needs time and a top-notch deal of guide, love, help and know-how from you, free of interference from outsiders. it's far satisfactory to permit her to make adjustments at her own pace whilst her inner being is ready for them in place of stressful that she try this or that, although it means that some time will elapse before she is ready to observe sure Islamic injunctions. if the modifications come from inside herself, they're probably to be sincere and everlasting; otherwise, if she makes adjustments due to strain from you or from others, she may continually be sad with the state of affairs and can look for methods out of it. you can help her by means of being consistent with your personal behavior. such a lot of Muslims apply the ones part of the Qur'an or Sunnah which healthy them and abandon the rest, with ensuing confusion inside the minds of their wives and children. thus, even as firmly preserving the reins in your arms, you need to look at your very own faults, now not hers, and be proud and glad about the efforts she is making. make allowances, be considerate, and display your appreciation of the hard assignment she is sporting out through each possible way. this may motive her to love and admire you, your lifestyle, and Islam to grow infinitely faster than a harsh, dominating, forceful technique ever may want to.
finally, a phrase of warning. certain situations have taken place in which ladies, posing as Muslims (or perhaps surely having made shahadah), have deceived and made fools of numbers of Muslim guys. such women may be extremely cunning and devious, running as terrible, lonely people in need of help and/or husbands. the brothers who fall into this internet may be shown false pictures, given fake information or promises, cheated in all kinds of ways, and subsequently robbed of something the conniving lady can manage to take from them. as was said, it is wise to check out any potential association with nearby Muslims who recognize her.
hold your eyes open and take it slow. for the reason that marriage is for existence, for eternity, hurrying into it for any purpose in any way is the act of a silly or careless character who has best himself or herself in charge if things go incorrect.